Life on the Spectrum

Many (too many) autistic kids, and even autistic adults, are bullied. This is sadly the case in many schools and workplaces. Those who are different, who don’t fit in, are mercilessly picked on. Bullying leads to low self-esteem; poor self-confidence; bad grades; poor school and work attendance; long-term mental health issues, including PTSD; and, in some cases, suicide. I personally was bullied throughout my school years, as well as after school, at summer camp and even at vacation Bible school.

I was therefore astonished to discover an article published in the Autism Daily Newscast, written by Karen Kabaki-Sisto, entitled “Ten Perks Kids With Autism Get From Being Bullied.” Yes, according to this article, there are perks to being bullied! I just had to read the article to find out what these supposed perks are. Here is the article.

One of them is the opportunity for a school to promote autism awareness. This is actually a perk for the school more than for the autistic student, but shouldn’t a school already be aware of autism if there are autistic students in the school? I doubt the bullies care much about autism awareness, and more awareness of autism is not going to magically stop them from bullying autistic kids or any other kids.

Kids are supposed to gain skills from bullying. Being bullied will promote better verbal skills, according to this article, as kids learn how to respond to their bullies. From discussing this with others who have been bullied, I’ve learned that the  bullying is more likely to hinder a child’s verbal skills as they become so traumatized they talk less, or they are so afraid of being made fun of for what they say, they don’t say anything at all. I personally developed a stutter for a couple of years due to trauma.

Bullying is supposed to also help a child gain independence, survival skills and civil liberties, but the article doesn’t outline how exactly this is supposed to happen. I guess finding a quiet, deserted part of the school in which to hide from the bullies at lunchtime, as I did, is part of those survival skills. In a twisted way bullying did increase my independence, as it taught me that I couldn’t rely on anyone to help me, certainly not the school principal or vice-principal or any of the teachers or counsellors, so I had to depend only on myself. It definitely didn’t do anything for my civil liberties, though.

Bullying is supposed to help an autistic child make friends, as the non-autistic kids are supposed to help watch out for the bullied autistic kids, and this will lead to friendships. Perhaps this is a program held at some schools? I’ve never heard of it. But a friendship made this way is not a real friendship. It’s more of a job than anything else, and not a job that should be given to elementary school kids. It should be up to the adults to protect kids from bullies, not other kids.

Overall, the skills the autistic child supposedly learns from being bullied — self-reliance, communication skills, civil liberties, good citizenship, awareness of stranger danger, and survival skills — will all add up to improved self-esteem. Pardon my language, but I say bullshit. I lived through bullying from kindergarten through grade 10, and I came out of it with poor communication skills, little awareness of danger, marginal survival skills and horrendously low self-esteem. I went through multiple unhealthy “friendships” and relationships with abusive people, and I thought I deserved the abuse. It took me until I was in my 30s and diagnosed with autism to start to climb out of the abyss, with the help of counselling and life skills coaching.

I hope that this article is not read by any of the many bullies out there. I’m afraid they may take it as implicit permission to bully autistic kids.

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about travelling while autistic. I mentioned that there were many blogs and articles about helping autistic children while travelling, but very little about travel for autistic adults. I was planning on a trip to visit my cousin and also a trip to see the Rocky Mountains, and since I had never been on an airplane before, I was concerned about what to expect.

Happily, my airplane flight was uneventful, aside from my nervousness about being so high in the air. Here is what I learned.

I found that I preferred to have a paper boarding pass to having a virtual boarding pass on my phone, because I didn’t know where my phone stored the boarding pass, and when I wanted to kill time by browsing Twitter or Facebook I “lost” it and had to download it again. There are electronic kiosks where you can check in and print out your boarding pass.

There were many helpful people in both the Victoria airport and the Calgary airport who directed me to each place I had to go: the check-in for my flight, the baggage check, the security scan and the departure lounge.

I had to give up my Swiss army knife. I completely forgot I had it in my purse, and I didn’t want to go to all the trouble of returning to the baggage check and opening my suitcase, so I surrendered it. Now I wish I’d gone back to baggage check, but I didn’t want to risk being late for my flight.

I personally didn’t find the airport to be uncomfortably noisy. Your mileage may vary.

I had no trouble with my insulin or syringes. I had people ask what my Omnipod (insulin pump) was, but once I explained it, as well as my insulin and syringes, I had no trouble. I just told the security screeners, “I am a diabetic. I am carrying insulin and needles in my purse,” and, when asked, explained my Omnipod. I didn’t even have to offer proof of my diabetes or provide prescriptions for the insulin or needles. However, I took a domestic flight; an international flight could have different rules.

I didn’t have to worry about eye contact. I didn’t even have to take my shoes off. I walked right through the security gate with no beeps. I wore a sports bra with no metal on it, my Omnipod is made of plastic, and I guess the eyelets on my sneakers were either not metal or not enough metal to cause an alarm. Since I made it through the gate, I didn’t have to submit to any questions or further examination, though I know that there is always a possibility of being pulled aside for a check at random.

I also didn’t have to worry about my auditory processing difficulties making me miss my flight announcement. Once I was in the boarding lounge, my flight was announced in person by the Westjet agent and not from a loudspeaker, so I didn’t have any problems with garbled announcements. On my first flight I asked the agent for clarification so that I knew what was expected of me, and on the flight home I didn’t need to ask because it was the same routine.

Basically, my advice for my fellow autistic people would be to ask lots of questions when you are at the airport so that you know where you have to go for each step of the process, and if possible visit the airport ahead of time so that you know ahead of time where you have to go to. Try to pack light, because they will weigh your suitcase and charge you more if it exceeds a certain weight (I think it’s 50 pounds, but it may be 40.) If you don’t absolutely have to do so, don’t carry any liquids with you before you go through security; you can buy drinks — even Starbucks at some airports — after you go through security. Those who wear a bra should wear a sports bra. Wear slip-on shoes or light canvas ones; ideally, shoes without laces. You will be expected to put your carry on luggage and personal items on a conveyor belt to be x-rayed, and if you have a laptop you will be expected to open it. Don’t take any knives in your carry-on bag or purse. There will be a place to measure your carry-on bag to make sure it fits in the overhead compartment; I had to remove my e-reader and tablet to make the backpack fit, but I was able to carry those in my hands when I boarded the plane, and I just put them in the seat pocket when I was on the plane. If you have a purse, you will have to put it under the seat ahead of you when you are on the plane. If you are afraid of heights, don’t get a window seat, or, if you do, pull the shade down.

If there is something you don’t understand, there will be plenty of people at the airport that you can ask. I know that talking to strangers can be hard, so if you think you may have trouble, find out if you can take a disability support person with you. Contact the airport and/or the airline. I know that Westjet was able to find an employee with type 1 diabetes to answer my questions about my diabetes supplies, and they were able to find a person who has anxiety to help a passenger who suffered from anxiety, so they are good at supporting people with disabilities.

The headline reads “Federal Government Appoints New Autism Spectrum Disorder Working Group.” The aims of this group are “information sharing and research, early detection, diagnosis and treatment, and ways to support Canadian families affected by ASD.” Notice that it says “families affected,” not “autistic people.”

The members of this group are scientists, researchers, and heads or board members of various autism groups such as Autism Canada, Autism Speaks, Canadian Autism Spectrum Disorder Alliance and Autism Nova Scotia. There are no representatives from Autistic Self-Advocacy Network or other groups that represent autistic people ourselves rather than parents. In fact, there are no autistic people in this autism working group.

This is, sadly, not unusual. Autistic people are very seldom consulted by any government agency or autism service organization when they are making plans for us, if they actually are making plans for us and not just for autistic children. I have Tweeted to the federal minister responsible for this working group, the hon. Rona Ambrose, and I have left a comment on her announcement on her Facebook page, but I haven’t heard anything in response, probably because she, like everyone else in the federal government, is currently preoccupied with the upcoming election in October.

I don’t object to early detection of autism, nor do I object to support to families. However, I think there are many more goals that an autism working group could have rather than just support for families or just early detection and treatment. For example, how about working on the fact that the vast majority of autistic adults are unemployed and live in poverty? How about the fact that there are almost no support services for autistic adults once we leave our family homes? How about the fact that most so-called autism service agencies have no autistic people on their boards of directors?

If they want to work on diagnosis, how about creating and funding diagnostic services for those who were not diagnosed as children? There are many, many undiagnosed autistic adults out there who are unable to find anyone able or willing to assess an adult, and if they can find someone, they can’t pay for the assessment because the province they live in does not fund such services for adults.

The announcement about the working group is here. I encourage autistic adults living in Canada to contact the group and Minister Ambrose. Suggest what you would like to see addressed by this working group. Challenge the minister to add autistic self-advocates to the group. Her e-mail address is Her website is Her twitter is @RonaAmbrose. There is also contact information for the group at the link above.

I am planning to go on a trip in a few weeks. This has, as is usual with me, kicked my anxiety into overdrive. I am in my 40s, and I have never been on an airplane in my life. Everything I have heard about airport security being suspicious of anyone who acts nervous in the slightest way has made me seek out information and tips for traveling while autistic. What are airports like in terms of sensory input? Will it bother airport security if I have trouble making eye contact? Do I have to let them touch me? What if my auditory processing issues make me miss the announcement for my flight?

There is almost no information available for adult autistics when it comes to travel. Do a Google search for “flying” or “traveling” and “autism” or “Asperger’s,” and you’ll find “tips for autistic travelers and their families,” and “flying with your Asperger’s child” and “information for families of children with special needs.” It’s even worse for non-Americans, because most of the information that is available makes reference to the TSA and the Americans with Disabilities Act, which are not relevant if you’re not traveling to or in the U.S.

Guess what. Autistic people travel. We go on holidays just like non-autistic people (those who can afford to do so, at least). We travel to autism conferences and/or to conferences related to our special interests. Some autistic people travel on business. There are autistic people who are in demand as speakers and lecturers who have to fly to the places they give their lectures. So why is there so little information? I can only guess that it’s because if an autistic adult is able to travel on his or her own, he or she must be considered to be “high functioning” and therefore assumed to not need help. I was even told that there is information for children and not adults because adults, being adults, don’t need any help with such routine, everyday things as getting on an airplane.

Fortunately, I was able to find help from a fellow Aspergian person who has experience with air travel, and some help from Westjet airline. The answers to my questions were as follows:

“What are airports like in terms of sensory input?” I was told I should bring my earplugs, because airports are noisy places, but not to use them unless absolutely necessary so that I can hear the security agents speak to me and so that I can hear when my flight is called.

” Will it bother airport security if I have trouble making eye contact?” It might, but if I explain to them that I am autistic they will probably understand. If I am able to do so, though, I should try to make eye contact. It’s a big thing to demand of an autistic person, but it may be necessary.

“Do I have to let them touch me?”  Because I am flying within Canada and not internationally, I probably won’t be patted down as long as I do not have anything metallic on my body. I should make sure that I don’t wear an underwire bra.

“What if my auditory processing issues make me miss the announcement for my flight?” If I identify myself as a person with a disability, I should be permitted to bring a person with me into the terminal who can listen for me. On the airplane, I can request written copies of in-flight announcements, like the safety briefing.

I’ve been told it’s a good idea to have some handouts about autism ready to give to people who may have questions.

My chosen airline, Westjet, has a lot of information and support available for customers with disabilities, and I will contact them a few days before my flight to touch base and find out if there is anything they can do to make my trip easier for me.

My biggest anxiety now is actually booking my flight and making it to the airport. Whenever something causes me anxiety, I actively avoid doing it, even if it’s something positive. My trip makes me nervous, so I’m still putting off buying my plane ticket. I’d better do it soon, because I have already paid for a three-day sightseeing package at my destination.

Once I return from my trip, I hope to have more information available for my fellow autistic travelers to help others who have the same questions I have.

As I said in a previous post, I don’t think we need any more autism awareness. One of the things we do need is autism acceptance. What is autism acceptance, though? What does it look like?

Autism acceptance means not trying to make an autistic person act like a typical person. It means allowing us to have our stims, as long as they’re not hurting us or anyone else, and allowing us to avoid making eye contact if it’s difficult.

Autism acceptance means not saying, “I love my child but I hate his/her autism.” It means accepting your child, autism and all.

Autism acceptance means making accommodation for our sensory needs and allowing us to wear earmuffs or headphones in noisy environments, turning off the fluorescent lights, allowing us to wear comfortable clothes instead of expecting us to wear ties or frilly blouses or, heaven forbid, pantyhose.

Autism acceptance means accepting our desire to not be cured. It means not seeing us as broken or defective or needing to be fixed.

Autism acceptance means using autism-first language when referring to an autistic person rather than insisting on person-first language if that is what the autistic person uses. It means accepting our self-identification as autistic people and not insisting that “you are not your autism” or “you are a person before you are autistic.”

Autism acceptance means acknowledging the existence of autistic adults and not limiting your autism “awareness” to children. It means accepting autistic adults into your autism organizations, and it means funding programs and services that benefit autistic adults as well as autistic children.

Autism acceptance means listening to autistic people when we talk about our lived experience of autism rather than ignoring us in favour of autism “experts” and autism parents (except for autism parents who are themselves autistic, of course.) This includes listening to people who use assistive communication devices instead of dismissing them for being “low-functioning.”

Autism acceptance means accepting autistic people regardless of so-called functioning labels. It means not dismissing the opinions and contributions of autistic people for either being too high-functioning — “you can write a blog post so therefore you are too high-functioning to understand what life is like for my child” — or too low-functioning — “you are low-functioning so you can’t possibly understand what I’m talking about.” In fact, autism acceptance should mean not using artificial functioning labels at all.

Autism acceptance means accepting autistic people as we are, and not how you think we should be or how you want us to be.

April 2 is worldwide Autism Awareness Day, but I don’t think we need any more autism awareness. I am pretty sure that most, if not all, of the developed world is already aware of autism. What we need more of is autism acceptance, autism inclusion and autism education.

Most people are aware of autism, but unless they are on the spectrum or have friends or family members members on the spectrum, few of them know anything about autism. They probably think all of us are like Rainman, or like Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory.

I was diagnosed with autism about ten years ago, but I spent many years before that trying to find a professional who could properly assess and diagnose me. I first went to my GP. I asked him, “Who in Victoria can do autism assessments? I believe I have Asperger Syndrome.” My doctor said, “But you’re too intelligent for that.” Maybe my doctor was aware of autism, but he definitely didn’t know much about it.

I went to a psychologist and asked him if he could do an autism assessment. He read out the DSM-IV description of Asperger Syndrome and proceeded to inform me, after he’d spoken to me for a grand total of 15 minutes, that I didn’t fit the criteria, and that any social skills problems I had were my parents’ fault. Then he told me that I couldn’t be autistic because I’m a girl, and girls aren’t autistic. This person is a professional, but he sure doesn’t know much about autism. I guess he’s never heard of Temple Grandin.

A while back I was out with some friends and I happened to meet a woman who works with autistic children. “I’m autistic,” I told her. “I have Asperger Syndrome.” The woman saw that I was with some friends and said, “You’re too social to have Asperger Syndrome.” If this person knew more about autism, she would know that people with Asperger Syndrome or autism are perfectly capable of having friends.

I own many t-shirts with sayings on them about autism. One day I was in the grocery store and a woman asked if she could read my shirt. After she read it, she asked: “Who do you know that has autism?” I told her that I’m autistic. She said: “You don’t look autistic.” What does that mean? What does autism look like? I’m autistic and even I can’t tell just from looking whether another person is autistic. I am guessing that this woman is aware of autism but doesn’t know much about it, or she would know that there is no such thing as “looking” autistic.

These kinds of attitudes are common. I’m sure many of you have experienced them to with yourselves or your autistic friends or family members. There are so-called professionals saying that women aren’t autistic, that we don’t have friends or that we can’t be on the spectrum if we’re smart. This is why we need more autism education.

If you find that you want more autism education, please get your education from an autistic person. There are many blogs, websites and Facebook pages written by autistic people, as well as many books. Once we have more autism education, then I hope that will lead to more autism inclusion and autism acceptance.

Often when I tell a person that I am autistic, they immediately ask if I have Asperger’s. Sometimes people tell me that I am not really autistic; I merely have Asperger’s.

One of the most common questions on the various autism or Asperger groups I belong to on Facebook is: “What’s the difference between autism and Asperger’s Syndrome? Is there a difference?” I would say that on paper, there is a difference; in reality, not so much.

On paper, before the changes in the latest edition of the DSM, the difference between autism and Asperger’s was speech. People who had delayed speech in childhood were usually diagnosed autistic; those who had normal or early speech were usually diagnosed Asperger. I say “usually” because this is not always the case. I know one person who had early speech in childhood who was diagnosed with autism. She is very defensive about this because most people assume she has Asperger’s (I imagine these are the people who see autism as requiring some sort of intellectual disability) and may even argue with her about it. I also know one woman who was convinced she had Asperger’s and who was given a diagnosis of autism.

This is one of the reasons I say that in reality, there is no difference between autism and Asperger’s. When I was first diagnosed with Asperger’s, I sought out online support groups because, at the time, I didn’t know any other Aspies in real life. I found most groups had a mixture of those diagnosed autistic and those diagnosed Asperger’s, and while there were, of course, differences among people (because no two people are exactly alike), there were no significant differences between those with one diagnosis and those with the other diagnosis. I also found I had just as much in common with those diagnosed autistic as I did with my fellow Aspergians.

Many people were concerned about losing their diagnosis of Asperger’s when the DSM folded it into autism spectrum disorder. I personally prefer not having a distinction between the two, because Asperger’s has always been considered to be a condition on the autism spectrum. Some people do not consider Asperger’s to be the same as autism and have even argued for it to be a distinct diagnosis, but seeing all that I have in common with people with the autism diagnosis, and knowing that my friend who showed what are normally considered symptoms of Asperger’s was diagnosed with autism, is enough to convince me that Asperger’s and autism are really not different at all.


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