I don’t often watch sitcoms, but I keep hearing people tell me that I absolutely have to watch The Big Bang Theory because one of the characters, Sheldon Cooper, seems to be autistic. I decided to look up some quotes from Sheldon to find out more.
When Sheldon’s friend Leonard says to Sheldon, “It won’t kill us to meet new people,” Sheldon says that it could kill them, because they could meet a serial killer or somebody who is carrying an exotic disease.
When Sheldon hears the term “friends with benefits,” he says that it sounds like one of them should be providing the other with health insurance.
When asked how he feels about Facebook, Sheldon says that he’s a fan of anything that replaces human contact.
One time, Sheldon is working when there’s a knock at the door. Leonard asks, “Sheldon, would you like to get that?”
“Not particularly,” Sheldon replies.
“Sheldon, can you get that?”
“I could, if somebody asked me.”
“Sheldon, would you please get that?”
“Of course. I don’t know why you have to make it so complicated.”
The producers of The Big Bang Theory won’t say in the show that Sheldon is autistic, because people would not feel comfortable laughing at autism. Autism isn’t funny.
I disagree. I think autism can indeed be funny. I would prefer it ,though, if people were not laughing at me but laughing along with me when I see the funny side of autism.
Many of us autistic people take things literally. When you think about it, why don’t more people take things literally? Obviously, if you say, “It’s raining cats and dogs,” you don’t mean that small furry animals are literally falling from the sky, but why do we say that in the first place? It’s a silly thing to say!
I heard somebody say that they didn’t believe in flu shots, and they weren’t happy when I pointed out that it was very obvious that flu shots exist, because the pharmacy had a sign that said you could get flu shots there.
My partner asked me why I didn’t phone my mother on her birthday. I said “Because I sent her a card, and she told me that I don’t have to phone her if I send her a card.” My partner said, “She probably didn’t mean it that way.” I asked, “If she didn’t mean it, why did she say that?” He said, “Oh, this is an autism thing! You’re being literal!”
A friend of mine took her autistic son to the doctor because he had a cut that had become infected. The doctor wrote a prescription on a piece of paper, handed it to the autistic boy and said, “Put this on your cut twice a day.” The boy wanted to know how it would help him to put a piece of paper on his cut.
A common joke on autism pages on the Internet is “You know you’re autistic when…” For example, you know you’re autistic when you’re planning to go out, but you wait until none of your neighbours is outside before you do, because you hate to make small talk. You know you’re autistic when your grocery shopping takes twice as long as it does for other people because you’ll only walk down the aisles that don’t have people in them. You know you’re autistic when there’s a particular coffee shop you like to go to, you always sit at the same table, and there better not be anybody sitting at your table when you go there, because it will mess everything up. You know you’re autistic when you know the names of all the cats and dogs in the neighbourhood, but none of the people. You know you’re autistic when you read that a band that bills themselves as “the loudest rock band in the country” is going to be playing an outdoor concert in your city, and you decide that you should go out of town that day.
Sometimes humour can help me deal with people who have misconceptions about autism. I used to love to read Mad magazine’s “Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions.” I have made a list of what I call snappy answers to stupid things people say about autism.
Sometimes people will say that I am not really autistic, and that I am using autism as an excuse to be rude. If somebody says that to me, I’m going to ask them what their excuse is for being rude. If they say that I have to call myself a person with autism instead of an autistic person, I will respond by calling them a person with rudeness.
People will say to me, “You don’t look autistic.” If somebody says that to me, I will say, “And you don’t look ignorant, so I guess we’re both wrong.”
I have had people say that I am too intelligent to be autistic. That’s when I say, “And you are too intelligent to be so uninformed about autism.”
Autistic children can be funny and be self-advocates at the same time. When I was at a conference, I heard the story of an autistic boy who wanted to ride the school bus with all the other kids in his neighbourhood, but the school district had health and safety rules that said he had to take a taxi to school. Every day, he would watch the other kids get on the bus, and he would say “Bus.” His mother would take him to the taxi, and he would say, “No, bus.” One day, he finally got tired of the grownups not listening to him. When the taxi arrived at school, the taxi driver got out of the car to open up the door for his passenger. The boy then locked all the doors in the cab, locking the driver out. This was in the Yukon in winter time. The driver, the school teachers, and his mom all asked him to unlock the doors, and he continued to say, “No. Bus,” until they finally agreed that yes, he could ride the bus.
Finally, here is my favourite autism joke:
A man is flying in a hot air balloon, and he’s lost. He lowers himself over a field and calls to a someone in the field. “Can you tell me where I am and where I’m headed?”
“Sure. You’re at 41 degrees 2 minutes and 14 seconds North, 144 degrees 4 minutes and 19 seconds East; you’re at an altitude of 762 metres above sea level, and right now you’re hovering, but you were on a vector of 234 degrees at 12 metres per second.
“Amazing! Thanks! By the way, are you autistic?”
“I am! How did you know that?”
“Because everything you said is true, it’s much more detail than I need, and you told me in a way that’s no use to me at all.”
“Really. Well, are you a clinical psychologist?”
“I am, but how the heck did you know that?”
“You don’t know where you are. You don’t know where you’re going. You got where you are by blowing hot air. You put labels on people after asking a few questions, and you’re in exactly the same spot you were 5 minutes ago, but now, somehow, it’s my fault!”